Pizza cake. Yep, it’s real and you’re probably thinking this is just the type of idiotic thing only found here in America, but you would be wrong! This 5,000 calorie monster is the creation of the Canadian chain Boston Pizza. Stupid idea or genius? I guess we’ll have to wait for one of my Canadian readers to give it a try, eh?
You may have noticed an odd, unexplained rumbling in your tummy recently, and perhaps a mysterious bout of uncontrollable mouth watering. Maybe even a tear, welling up in the corner of your eye, seemingly for no reason what-so-ever. I’m here to tell you that what you felt was the collective subconsciousness of our stomachs’ anticipation of the near-future introduction of the “Pizza Cake” from Canadian chain “Boston Pizza.”
There is a very thin line between genius and insanity, and those who wholeheartedly believe in the genius of this creation will never be convinced of the insanity by those who see only madness when they look upon layer upon layer of this pizza cake chimera. Would I purchase this 5000 calorie monument to pepperoni and cheese? I absolutely would. Do I know that neither I, nor anyone else SHOULD subject ourselves to something so clearly ludicrous? I also do. The thing is though: I don’t care. I would dive mouth first into this marvelous, gooey, heart-strangler, with my eyes wide open, fully aware that each of these mountains of saucy crust–stuffed beyond reason with cheese, meat and more cheese–would no doubt subtract eight to thirteen minutes from my life. And I would thank it afterwards, knowing that it was worth every painful bite.
So you can turn your nose up at this culinary colossus, mock it and those who brought it into existence, and indeed mock all of us who would gladly trade our arterial linings for the privilege of sinking our teeth into it (and its cholesterol into us). I don’t care if you mock us because if there is one thing that is universally true about pizza creation, it’s that there is nothing mad pizza science can create that the pizza-loving public will not flock to–consequences be damned. So, who’s gonna carpool with me to Canada to get their mouth-hands on a pile of these?!